Dear Karen,

I have just read your book and I start clearing up my clutter. But I realize that I have problems throwing away stuff that people give to me, especially from a woman who cleans our apartment once a week. She loves cleaning and is a big help. She is a lot older then me and it is very important for her that I am satisfied. But she brings in stuff that I don't want and I do not know how to tell her that I do not like this without hurting her. I tried to love the stuff and tell myself that she is doing so much good things for us, but I realize I am getting aggressive when I come home and she has changed something or put new stuff somewhere. I do not want to tell her not to come any more because I know that the work is very important to her. Do you have a solution for me?

- E.F, Germany

Karen's reply:

The longer you let this continue, the worse it will get. Her well-meaning behaviour will not change unless you do or say something about it. Just tell her, kindly but firmly, that you are having a big clear out so please do not bring any new objects into the house. You can offer her some of the objects you are throwing out ("Would this be any use to you?") and then after you have done that a few times and she can see you are serious, you can also offer her some of the objects she has given you ("It's time for a completely fresh start so would you like this back or shall I find a new home for it with someone else who can use it?").

Remember, it's your life and your home, and every time you look at an unwanted gift, your energy drops. Take this as an opportunity to learn self-assertion and gently reclaim your power!