Dear Karen,

My husband and I have returned to the US with our toddler daughter after living in Ireland for two years. Until we are on our feet financially and can afford a mortgage, we are living with my parents in a very cluttered house.

My parents have always been pack rats and have accumulated a lot of clutter. My mother has read your book, Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui, and has started to clear some of the clutter, but there is still so much to be done. Could the clutter in my parent's house be affecting the relationship between my husband and me and our finances? Our communication has broken down and it has been six months and we still can not afford to move out on our own. I keep our personal spaces in the house clutter-free (bedroom, bathroom). Please advise! Thank you.

- Maureen, USA

Karen's reply:

I've received many letters like this over the years, all with the same despairing tone. The stagnant energy of your parent's cluttered home certainly will be having an affect on you. Even though you keep your own areas clutter-free, you are still sharing communal areas of the home.

However, I see a ray of hope. You say your mother has read my book and made a start on clearing her clutter. This shows that she is open to dealing with the problem and there are two ways that you can help.

Firstly, learn how to do Space Clearing, which is described briefly in Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui and in much more depth in my first book, Creating Sacred Space with Feng Shui (you will need to read this to learn how to do the ceremony effectively).

The two books are designed to be used together. Space Clearing loosens the stagnant energy that collects around clutter, which in turn loosens a person's attachments to it. This will help your mother to clutter clear more swiftly and will also help you and your husband to overcome the effect it has had on you. However you must have permission from one of your parents before you do this. It would be out of integrity to do it without their knowledge or against their wishes.

The second thing you can do is offer to help her with the clutter clearing. Get her to make a plan and help her carry it out, starting with small areas first. The Space Clearing is likely to change the energy of the home so much that your father may want to get involved too.

While all this is happening, create a Feng Shui enhancement in the Relationships area of your bedroom (see Part Five of Creating Sacred Space with Feng Shui) and be sure to get some quality time away from the house with your husband. Have days out together, take short walks together or whatever you both enjoy, and above all, communicate. I meet many couples on holiday in Bali and I take the opportunity of asking all the happiest ones the secret of a long-lasting marriage. Do you know what they all say? Communication. See a marriage guidance counsellor if necessary, but somehow get that communication happening.

Good luck and let me know how you get on.