It hurts me to think of sentimental things, like my mother's clothes, etc. going to strangers. What if I burn them?
Karen's reply:
After a matter of weeks or months at the most, physical objects have no significance to a person after they have left their physical body. But if it will make you feel better, why not dispose of them in whatever way you feel your mother would have liked?
To gain deeper insights into what happens when someone dies, I can highly recommend Death: The Great Journey, available by mail order from www.clairvision.org. This is the best writing I have ever found on the topic of death and dying, and will help you decide what it is best to do.
It's also in the Top Ten of my 'Must Read While On Planet Earth' booklist. It's as much about how to live as how to die, so you'll find it very useful for your own spiritual journey too.
I'm stuck. I'm doing the basement now (I'm well aware that it's the past). Both my parents are deceased and I have all their photo albums and yearbooks from high school and college. Do you have a guide for what to do with them? I would just chuck them but that makes my brother and sister uncomfortable. Of course they don't want to store them either. I know they're not good for me because I can feel it. Help.
- VP, USA
Karen's reply:
You have answered your own question. If your brother or sister don't want these items enough to take them from you then they are not really wanted by anyone. They may have been important to your parents but that doesn't mean they will have any value for anyone else. Let your siblings know you are having a giant clear-out and if there is anything they want, they will need to claim it before a certain date not too far hence. This makes the whole situation very clear.
I have a question about objects. Both my mom and my dad recently passed away. They have some things that I really want and some things I really could use. My husband passed away too, a long time ago, and I still have some things that were his.
I heard that it is bad feng shui energy to keep things of a deceased person, but could you elaborate? Can't the energy of the objects be changed? And what about pictures. Is it okay to have them but not display them?
-PK, USA
Karen's reply:
I sigh when I hear someone say it might be 'bad feng shui' to do this or that because such sweeping generalizations are fraught with problems. Each situation must be looked at on its own merits.
First of all, an object does not become 'bad' or have a negative effect on an environment just because the person who used to own it no longer inhabits a human body. How could that possibly be right?
I categorize clutter into four types:
1) Things you do not use or love 2) Things that are untidy or disorganized 3) Too many things in too small a space 4) Anything unfinished
Categories 1, 2 & 3 are relatively easy to assess in relation to this question. Category 4 can present more complex issues because grieving or other emotions can be involved.
My advice is to keep the things you love or use, providing there are not too many of them, the space you have is big enough for them and your life is moving on. If some items do not fit this description then as your grief passes, move to a phase of letting go - of the objects as well as the person.
To assist this process, don't allow your energy or the energy of your home to stagnate. Keep active and take regular exercise. A Space Clearing ceremony is also an excellent thing to do after someone has died, to revitalize the energy of your home and consecrate it to your future life. It's best to have a friend do this for you if you are still grieving - someone who is not too emotionally involved with events and can hold the energy of the space at high level. Better still, call in a professional space clearer if there is one in your area.
There is a brief description of how to do the Space Clearing ceremony in the back of Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui but to do it safely and effectively it is necessary to read the full description in my first book, Creating Sacred Space with Feng Shui. If you have objects in your home that belonged to a person who was sick for a while before they died then this ceremony can clear the energy they will have been imprinted with.
As to keeping photos, it's a matter of keeping up-to-date in your life. It's best to have photos around you that energize you and are important to you. All photos emit frequencies. If the ones you currently have on display make you feel good and your life is moving forward in positive ways, fine. If not, replace them with something better. Review your photos regularly to make sure they all still support who you are and what you are doing in your life.
I'm a new fan of yours and could not put my first book (Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui) down until I had read the last page.
My question is this: My husband and I are both in our early 60's and have been married for 2 years. I'm a clean freak and my husband is the king of clutter. I read what you said about leaving another person's clutter alone. I do understand that one person can never change another and I know that the few times I have tried to persuade him to get rid of some of the clutter he becomes panicky. He doesn't even want me to dispose of any of my "junk". I guess this I could live with but Karen how do I deal with stuff all over the cupboards, the dining room table, bathroom counter, dressers, etc,etc.? He doesn't seem to be comfortable until every flat surface is piled high. We have a four car garage and we can't even get a car in it. His idea of cleaning is to move things from one spot to another.
I know that he suffers from depression and I was amazed when I read that the two seem to go hand in hand. Help. What can I do to keep from loosing my sanity?
- B.K., USA
Karen's reply:
As I say in my book, clutter is not the root of the problem, it is a symptom of the problem. In this case it looks very much that your husband is using clutter as a way of dampening down his emotions to help him to cope with his depression. So the way forward is to persuade him to seek help for the cause of his depression, for his own sake and for the sake of your marriage. I'm not talking here, of course, about taking prescription drugs to further numb his feelings but some form of psychotherapy to deeply address the underlying issues and bring joy back to his life and yours.
You may be interested to know that in my own experience as a therapist I have found that depression is generally caused by a person becoming disconnected from their Higher Self and therefore going off-track from their spiritual path. It can also be caused by physical chemical imbalances. I suggest you read up on the topic - there are some very helpful books available these days.
I've just finished reading 'Clearing Your Clutter...' and absolutely loved it. In the book you mentioned that if you rent a room in a house, to apply the bagua to only my room and not the entire house, but later you do indicate that the clutter of the people I live with can affect me tremendously. My question is, how can Feng Shui and Clutter Clearing principles be effective for me in my bedroom if the rest of the house where I live isn't tackled as well?
By the way, I have been clutter clearing my room, and I feel much better for having done so.
- Brent Ross, USA
Karen's reply:
You've actually answered your own question! Clutter clearing your own room has benefits, whether the rest of the house you share is clutter cleared or not. Space Clearing (see the question above) can help even more. But eventually you will want to get a place of your own or find a more clutter clear houseshare to move to.
My husband and I have returned to the US with our toddler daughter after living in Ireland for two years. Until we are on our feet financially and can afford a mortgage, we are living with my parents in a very cluttered house.
My parents have always been pack rats and have accumulated a lot of clutter. My mother has read your book, Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui, and has started to clear some of the clutter, but there is still so much to be done. Could the clutter in my parent's house be affecting the relationship between my husband and me and our finances? Our communication has broken down and it has been six months and we still can not afford to move out on our own. I keep our personal spaces in the house clutter-free (bedroom, bathroom). Please advise! Thank you.
- Maureen, USA
Karen's reply:
I've received many letters like this over the years, all with the same despairing tone. The stagnant energy of your parent's cluttered home certainly will be having an affect on you. Even though you keep your own areas clutter-free, you are still sharing communal areas of the home.
However, I see a ray of hope. You say your mother has read my book and made a start on clearing her clutter. This shows that she is open to dealing with the problem and there are two ways that you can help.
Firstly, learn how to do Space Clearing, which is described briefly in Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui and in much more depth in my first book, Creating Sacred Space with Feng Shui (you will need to read this to learn how to do the ceremony effectively).
The two books are designed to be used together. Space Clearing loosens the stagnant energy that collects around clutter, which in turn loosens a person's attachments to it. This will help your mother to clutter clear more swiftly and will also help you and your husband to overcome the effect it has had on you. However you must have permission from one of your parents before you do this. It would be out of integrity to do it without their knowledge or against their wishes.
The second thing you can do is offer to help her with the clutter clearing. Get her to make a plan and help her carry it out, starting with small areas first. The Space Clearing is likely to change the energy of the home so much that your father may want to get involved too.
While all this is happening, create a Feng Shui enhancement in the Relationships area of your bedroom (see Part Five of Creating Sacred Space with Feng Shui) and be sure to get some quality time away from the house with your husband. Have days out together, take short walks together or whatever you both enjoy, and above all, communicate. I meet many couples on holiday in Bali and I take the opportunity of asking all the happiest ones the secret of a long-lasting marriage. Do you know what they all say? Communication. See a marriage guidance counsellor if necessary, but somehow get that communication happening.
I am hopeful that you can provide some guidance for an urgent and delicate situation. My life partner's 50 year old aunt suffered a brain aneurism at the wheel of her car over 6 months ago. She was unconscious and on feeding and breathing tubes for many weeks. Over time, she has been removed from the breathing apparatus, but she is still not conscious. She remains hospitalized in a special care unit. Doctors are puzzled, as her EEG and other diagnostics show no reason why she shouldn't be walking and talking by now.
Now, for the clutter. Aunt L. lives (or did, before she was hospitalized) in a house which is SO packed, that you would think an invisible force must be holding it all down. I've read your descriptive examples of cluttered space, and this exceeds anything you described. No where to sit, walk or even stand without replacing something that is already there. It is a small house, and there is no room or hall or stairway less cluttered than any other.
The Question: Is there a safe way to clear this house clutter, and fill the space with intentions and prayers of healing? I am fairly close to her only daughter, a young adult who lives on her own, but I do not know Aunt L's husband well. He continues to live alone at home, and to visit his wife regularly, praying that she will somehow pull through before her kidney's fail, etc. My partner is not committed and involved in space clearing as I am, she supports my work in our own home. I think she would support me in approaching her cousin and/or uncle with the possibility of clearing the home and filling it with healing intentions.
I believe this may be L's best hope for survival. I know that I shall have regrets if we lose her, and I didn't try to share the space clearing option with someone close to her. Thank you in advance for any suggestions you can make.
- RS
Karen's reply:
It is out of integrity to do Space Clearing or clutter clearing in a person's home without their permission. The only person who could do the Space Clearing with integrity is your partner's aunt's husband, because it is his home too, but even he would be out of integrity doing the clutter clearing while she is still alive. The information in my books is designed for people to clear their own homes or homes of close relatives, so my best advice to you is not to get involved at all.
For a new perspective on dying and death, read Death: The Great Journey, a Knowledge Track by Dr Samuel Sagan, which is available from www.clairvision.org. I rate is as the most insightful and helpful work I've ever read on this topic.
Do you have any suggestions for helping children release their clutter... overwhelming collections or outgrown items?
- M.W., Canada
Karen's reply:
Years ago when I worked as a professional rebirther, parents would sometimes ask if they could bring their problem children to me for some sessions in order to fix them. My response was always to tell them to leave the child at home and come for the sessions themselves. When the parents resolved their own stuff, the behaviour of the children invariably improved.
I have found the same to be the case when it comes to clearing clutter. Children emulate their care givers. Physical clutter is only one kind - there is also mental clutter and emotional clutter. The more you let go of your own 'stuff', the happier your children will be to let go of theirs!
I have been dating a very wonderful man for over a year, and we have decided to start living together. We are both very excited about having a beautiful, loving home together. The problem is that I am a very "out with the old and in with the new" individual, and I am very open with my personal space and love filling it with friends. He is a very private person with a lot of clutter who is VERY protective of his space. He also falls into the "collector" personality, fortunately, he only collects DVD's (which we use) and Home Theater Magazines. We will be moving to our new place in six weeks, and I am busy actively weeding out books, clothing, and clutter to make the move easier.
To get to the point, I am wondering if you could suggest ways for me to convince my significant other that he'll feel much better getting rid of his clutter. He will not give any weight to ideas that sound mystical or religious (he is an atheist and a skeptic) but I am hoping that he can see it as a practical, useful thing to do and that he will pick up a garbage can and get started! Sincere thanks,
- Lauren, U.S.A.
Karen's reply:
Firstly you need to assess whether your partner's DVD's and magazines are actually clutter - if he is using them, has regular clear-outs and they are kept tidy then they are not clutter unless there are just too many of them for the size of your new home. If you decide they truly are clutter, I very much encourage you to communicate with him about this issue BEFORE you move in together, and reach a decision that you can both wholeheartedly agree to. It is infinitely more difficult to do this after you are living together.
The reason is that the clutter itself is not the issue - it is only ever a symptom of a deeper underlying issue. The fact that you are the type of person to read my book and you feel your partner wouldn't give it credence already indicates that you have some harmonizing of life styles ahead of you. You both need to understand why he feels the need and you don't feel the need to keep 'stuff', and then you can both decide if you can happily live with those values or not.
Here's a tip that has worked for many people: The way to motivate a person to clear clutter is to educate and inspire. Leave my book in a place where your partner is bound to find it and will have time to peruse it. Be sure to put some bookmarks in the sections you want him to read and feel he will be able to relate to. The majority of my books are actually sold in mainstream bookshops and appeal to a much wider audience than you may suppose. Good luck!
What is Space Clearing?
