It seems to me that I exaggerated a bit in following your advice about unwanted presents when throwing away a small clock, which I considered to be useless for me although it was a Christmas present from my father.
I never felt any joy for the clock and when I had been opening the Christmas parcel I felt really disappointed in receiving a stupid small - but quite valuable - clock. For the next years I put the clock on my shelf and I always remembered my disappointment when looking at it. So I thought it was the best idea to throw it away.
Since then I still feel really sorry (not guilty!!) and tears come into my eyes every time I remember that I threw this small useless clock away (while I don´t even remember all the other things I also threw away at this occasion).
Making up my mind why I still feel so sorry for having thrown the clock away, I remembered something I had completely forgotten before: I remembered that my Mum commented "This year, Dad really made an effort in selecting your Christmas presents." I think my Mum had noticed - or anticipated - my disappointment. It is a common fact within our family, that Dad is not too good in selecting Christmas presents, but it seems that he had been really trying to do his very best in this particular year.
Do you have an idea how I can 'undo' what I did to this small stupid clock? Shall I buy a new one to replace it? Is there any ceremony to let the universe know that I feel sorry, that I made a mistake and that I deeply regret it?
Your advice would be highly appreciated.
- Kind Regards, S., Switzerland
Karen's reply:
The thing to remember about gifts is that it is the thought that counts. The object itself is not important. Receive the love that came with the gift and then it doesn't matter if you keep the object or let it go.
The true issue here is not the clock at all but your relationship with your father. Tell him more often that you love him. That is a far better way of showing you appreciate him than by keeping a 'stupid, small clock' you don't even like, that reminded you every time you saw it of how disappointed you were when you opened it.
Also take a long look at yourself to see if you have a pattern of 'being disappointed by people', especially men. Resolve this issue (through doing rebirthing or vivation, for example). This will enable you to get to a much deeper level of why throwing this clock away has bugged you so much and will help you improve all your relationships into the bargain.
I need help. I've reread your book three times. I've done some decluttering, but it seems it just keeps coming back. I used to attend Clutterer's Anonymous with is a 12-step program like AA. As soon as I have cleaned my kitchen, it is totally messed up the very next day. My last relationship ended 18 months ago and we fought daily about my clutter and when I cleaned house, it was "not good enough" for him.
I only work part-time at the moment and thought about hiring someone but my funds are limited. Depression gets in my way of accomplishing more - it seems as if it is just a vicious cycle of depression, clutter. My friends have just dropped off, one by one with no explanation. They just don't call me back any more.
What would you recommend for such a hard case as me. I've held onto things most of my life. I would accept anything little tidbit you may have. With much love and appreciation,
- M.B., USA
Karen's reply:
If you've read my book three times and still have not been able to sustain clutter clearing then you need to do deeper personal work to get to the cause of your messiness, which I would say is also the cause of your depression. There is no magic wand I can wave to make everything magically all right but I can assure you that life doesn't have to be this way.
The most important thing for you to discover is the emotional imprints that are causing your behaviour, and the best way I know of doing this is through ISIS or rebirthing. There is more information about this in the question above entitled 'Emotions Surfacing When Clearing Clutter'.
Clearing emotional imprints allows you to connect more and more to your Higher Self, which is the real 'you'. Depression is always a sign of disconnection from Higher Self. You can also read my book, Creating Sacred Space with Fen Shui, and learn how to space clear your home, which will raise the level of energy in your home and also remove the stagnant energy that collects around clutter, making it much easier to clear.
I received Creating Sacred Space with Feng Shui for Christmas and read it right away and, like so many of your readers, was excited and energized instantly, it all made such good sense. I started at our weekend home, cleaning out and cleaning the kitchen which was one of many rooms in need of a good cleaning. It felt great and we also dumped a lot of old appliances, pasta makers, ice cream makers, etc, that had sat in the attic for years. When we returned to New York I started with my desk, clearing drawers of papers and labels and old calculators.
While part of it has felt very good - I've known for a long time that it was crazy keeping a lot of this stuff - I notice now that I am full of some kind of grief over many of these things that I have tossed, many I had even forgotten that I had in the first place and some I even now have forgotten what they were that were thrown away. There's just a shallow, dull ache. There is much left to address and clear and toss and I intend to. As of now, a week later, there have been no small 'miracles' that have appeared yet, though I find I continue to be hopeful about 2002. Is this grieving something you are familiar with? Any thoughts on processing and coping with it?
- R.B, USA
Karen's reply:
My response to this type of reaction is always to tell the person to go back and re-read my book to reconnect with the original spark that inspired them to clutter clear. As you have only read the short chapter in my first book about this topic, I definitely recommend you read my second book, Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui, which goes into much more detail about the emotional side of dealing with clutter.
Following on from this, it's necessary to realize that clutter clearing is the process of clearing a space for something new to happen and you have to do the work to determine what that will be. The dull ache you describe is indicative of spiritual emptiness. The Space Clearing ceremony shows you how to consecrate your home to higher frequencies and can help get you spiritually reconnected. You'll find other recommended books and suggestions on the Links page of this website.
After a friend recommended your book, Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui, I read it cover to cover and dug in. I haven't de-cluttered, EVER!!!!
I read your book over the Xmas holiday and started actually cleaning Jan.1, seemed like a great new year start. YIKES! It is now Jan.8 and I haven't stopped. Now, I'm not going very fast which surprises me since I'm usually a very speedy person. But I feel like my feet are in cement, and I'm completely overwhelmed all the time. I have trouble sleeping and more importantly, and the reason for this email, is the discontent and sadness I feel all the time. I'm a bear to my husband and am finding all kinds of past issues rising to the surface I thought I'd cleared! Everything seems to be crumbling from under me. I'm questioning my path in life and it's meaning, etc. etc.
I loved your book and the directions in it but feel very lost and almost hopeless as to what to do with these emotions. Not much of this is addressed in your book. Is this common? Will it pass (I sure hope soon). What to do while in it? Thanks for your help!
- K.W., USA
Karen's reply:
The degree of discontent and sadness you are describing is indicative of how far off track your life has gone. Clearing the clutter is allowing you to see and feel this at last.
It sounds to me as if you are at major turning point - the kind you will look back on in years to come and say, "And to think all this started from the time when I started clearing my clutter!" I've been through this intense process twice in my life and it was tough at the time but I've never regretted it. I came to realize that the pain I experienced was directly proportional to my refusal to let go and move on. The changes I made have led me to a life of happiness I never dreamt possible.
So rather than offering you a quick fix I'm going to wholeheartedly encourage you to continue, and can suggest the following things to help you on your path:
1) Do the Space Clearing ceremony described in my first book, Creating Sacred Space with Feng Shui, to clear out all the stuck energy that is embedded in your clutter. This will help you move through the emotions more quickly. (Note: There is a very brief description of the ceremony at the back of Clear Your Clutter but this is not enough for you to do the ceremony safely and effectively.)
2) Find a good astrologer and have your transits done to discover the bigger picture of what's happening for you at the moment. This will give you some direction and some sanity while it's all happening. If you need a recommendation, one of the best astrologers I know is Richard Norris, who is based in London (email: richardn40@hotmail.com, Tel: +44 (0)207 461 9177). He'll record your consultation on tape and mail it to you if you're not able to visit in person.
3) Understand that your emotional reactions are caused by activation of samskaras in your astral body. Read Regression: Past Life Therapy for Here and Now Freedom by Dr Samuel Sagan (available from www.clairvision.org) for the most lucid explanation I have ever read about how this works and, most importantly, what to to do about it. Click here for more information about the Clairvision School.
What is Space Clearing?
